RANGOON - Cherry and Kay Kay walk into room Number Two of a Rangoon karaoke bar, where a man waits alone for them on a brown leather sofa.
"Come on, girls. Sing, please," he says, as they flick the karaoke machine to a Burma folk song they hope he likes.
The scene may not be uncommon in many parts of Asia, but was until recently rare here in isolated Burma, where economic desperation is increasingly pushing young women into a sex trade that hides behind the facade of karaoke bars and massage parlours.
At the bars, known locally as KTVs for "karaoke television," young women in their late teens and early 20s entertain clients in private air-conditioned rooms furnished with sofas and karaoke equipment.
Waiters enter only when customers order food and drinks, or if the women ring a bell to alert the management that a client is getting out of hand.
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Workers at KTVs say sex is not necessarily on offer, but they add that in the private rooms boundaries can be vague.
"It's hard to control men in this kind of room," 22-year-old Kay Kay says.
"They are so wild when they get drunk. I need to hold both his hands to protect myself. Sometimes I need to ring the bell to call for help from the waiters," she says.
Customers vary from teenagers to adults. Sometimes they come with friends, occasionally even with family, to venues that blur the line between casual entertainment and brothels.
Cherry and Kay Kay are among 20 girls working in their KTV bar, located near Rangoon's landmark Shwedagon Pagoda, one of the Buddhist country's holiest shrines. Ostensibly they are hostesses, paid to keep customers company, encourage them to buy drinks, and to sing for them.
Prostitution is illegal in Burma, but it began to take root underground after the ruling junta abandoned socialism for a market economy in 1996.
Myanmar is one of the world's poorest countries, where even urban professionals scrape out a living on less than a dollar a day. Salaries for civil servants, for example, start at about 20,000 kyats (about $17.50) a month.
Many industries have been decimated by decades of economic mismanagement by the military, coupled with the effects of Western sanctions imposed over the regime's failure to make good on promises of democratic reforms.
Cherry says she decided to work in the karaoke bar after quitting her low-wage job at a garment factory.
The eldest daughter in her family, Cherry was taken out of school before she reached her teens so her family could afford to send her brothers to school.
She then started working in the factory, but quit after discovering that she could earn more in tips in one night at the karaoke bar than she earned in a month at her old job.
Cherry and Kay Kay say they both grew up in broken families, and have not told any of their relatives about their new jobs.
"I didn't tell my mom that I'm working at KTV. She thinks that I'm working as a sales girl in a supermarket," Cherry says.
Many of the girls working in Rangoon's KTV bars have come from Burma's impoverished countryside in search of better opportunities in the city.
The bar that employs Cherry and Kay Kay provides them with free room and board, and a base salary of 20,000 kyats, or about $17.50.
"The basic salary is similar to what I earned at the factory, but here we get tips from customers," Cherry says. "Sometimes we earn 30,000 kyats ($27.00) in one night just from the tips."
The women are not allowed to leave the bar before its 2 am closing time, and then they are driven back to the hostel.
In a nation that prides itself on the glories of its past and its literary culture, the growth of the entertainment industry has caused some public soul-searching.
One poet, who wrote about the trend in a poem called "Rangoon Nights," said poverty was not the only culprit driving young women to their after-hours jobs.
"As many of them are uneducated and don't value their life, so they eventually end up in this community," he said, speaking on condition of anonymity.
But Wine, who worked as a cashier in a music restaurant, said that even some professional women are turning to the nightlife for second jobs to help make ends meet.
"The girls working in our shop include schoolgirls, nurses who are available to work at night and university graduates," Wine said, adding that she started working at the restaurant after twice failing her high school graduation exam and being unable to find any other job.
"Many friends of mine work in KTVs or music pubs while also taking university correspondence courses," she said.
The stigma attached to the bar girls remains strong, and many parents would rather see their children join the millions of Myanmar migrants heading overseas to search for work.
"My youngest daughter wanted to work in a KTV bar. I did not allow her, because once she takes the step of working there, it becomes very easy for her to become a commercial sex worker. It's very hard to control," said Ei, a 59-year-old mother of two daughters.
Ei says that like many families here, hers is struggling to survive. But she would rather see her daughters try to find work overseas than let them work in a karaoke bar.
Cherry and Kay Kay say they are happy they make enough money to support their families without having to leave the country.
"I can support my family well. One of my brothers will graduate from university very soon," says Cherry.
"I don't need to work very hard like I did in the factory but you know customers treat us just as bar girls, they look down on us. The reputation of a bar girl is not so good in this community."
A proposed Massachusetts law would outlaw corporal punishment, including spanking, even for parents disciplining their kids at home.
Children whose parents spank them or otherwise inflict physical punishment may be more likely to have sexual problems later, according to research to be presented Thursday to the American Psychological Association.
The analysis of four studies by Murray Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire-Durham, suggests that children whose parents spanked, slapped, hit or threw objects at them may have a greater chance of physically or verbally coercing a sexual partner, engaging in risky sexual behavior or engaging in masochistic sex, including sexual arousal by spanking.
"It increases the chances of sexual problems," though "it's not a one-to-one causation," Straus says.
Elizabeth Gershoff, an assistant professor of social work at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor, who reviewed 80 years of spanking research in 2002 in the APA's Psychological Bulletin, says Straus' work appears to be the first to link spanking with sexual problems.
Gershoff says that though many children have been spanked (85 percent in one 2007 survey), problems may depend on how they process the spanking.
"They may internalize that to mean that in loving relationships sometimes there's pain or physical aggression," she says. Another possible lesson is that "whoever is stronger and has more power can overpower the other person and use physical aggression to control the other person's behavior."
But linking sexual problems with spanking is a "big leap," says human-sexuality researcher John DeLamater of the University of Wisconsin. "It's probably one of many elements that might contribute to sex problems or risky sex, but it's a long leap."
Most children who are spanked escape from long-term harm, says Straus, 81, a sociology professor who says he occasionally spanked his own children but later became a staunch critic of spanking. His work on violence in families is regarded as landmark research.
He is scheduled to present the studies today at the psychological association's Summit on Violence and Abuse in Relationships in Bethesda, Md. Three are yet unpublished; one has been submitted to a journal. He plans to include two in a book this year. The fourth was included in a 1994 book.
The two most recent studies examine sexual coercion and risky practices among 14,252 college students between 2001 and 2006. The third study, of 440 high school students from New Hampshire, examined risky sex, such as premarital sex without a condom. The fourth study, of 207 students from the Northeast, focused on masochistic sex.
In each case, Straus found that those who had experienced corporal punishment had increased probability of coercing sex, risky sex or masochistic sex.
The literature on effectiveness of spanking to correct behavior is still "very mixed," says Robert Larzelere of Oklahoma State University, who has studied parents' disciplinary methods.
"Like any discipline tactic, it depends on how it's used," he says.
A Quebec man may face criminal charges after a woman died while they were having sadomasochistic sex.
The 39-year-old woman died Saturday night in a home in Saint-Bruno-de-Montarville on Montreal's South Shore, police said.
She went into cardiac arrest while engaging in "out of the ordinary" sexual practices using "very particular" accessories, said Longueuil police agent Martin Simard.
When police arrived at the residence on Sommet-Trinité Street, the man was trying to resuscitate the woman, but she died, Simard said.
Police say they found torture devices in the homes, but would not give specifics.
The man was arrested and questioned but released without charge, police said.
Investigators are waiting for the autopsy report to determine if he'll be charged with criminal negligence causing death.
It is shocking to see the number of advertisements floating around these days which portray women as desired objects and man as consumer, directly or in-directly. According to these advertisements the Man is the hunter, woman the hunted. Man the voyeur, woman the victim. At times some of these women advertisements are so over the top, that it makes it hard for the whole family to sit together and watch television. And sadly, there is no one to question the present market-and-media ethics that turns women’s bodies into consumer objects?
Consumerism talks about manipulating people’s desires. It’s basic and founding ideology is that one should be able to acquire all one wants. In other words, desired objects become commodities - available to the highest bidder. Bodies (commodities) are for sale, in “representation” and in “reality”. Modelling, be it nude or semi-nude is not considered a big deal in today’s society. It is considered as one of the few ways for women qua women to make money. Male desire is aroused by this display of titillating female bodies. This results in passive viewing to active buying. And this is where Consumerism meets Sexism. This however is not where the relationship ends; it at times further leads to “Sexual Violence”.
Bodies advertised on television - or others like them - are available in the real marketplace. Therefore today “Sex work” is a fast-growing service industry, in India and abroad. Sex all over the world is still considered to be labour for women and pleasure for men. Obviously there is something not quite natural about the explanation of sexuality if it is a commodity on sale like any other.
Women are learning to wear less and less in order to be appreciated. Bollywood actress Mallika Sherawat claims that exhibiting her physical assets was the only way an ordinary woman like herself could make it in glamorous Bollywood. On the other hand, high-circulation daily newspapers discuss the ‘oomph factor’ and present ‘mirchi meters’ comparing various ’sizzling’ females (Mandira Bedi during the Cricket World Cup matches & Ashwariya Rai during her visit to Cannes Film Festival). Images of nude women, vulnerable and seductive, are doing the rounds on computer, television and cinema screens, mobile phones (MMS controversies). Tell me, are we returning to the time when slave traders would make a woman open her mouth to count the number of teeth she had, and feel her muscles to ensure she could do the work? Today many Indian women make a beeline towards cosmetic surgery to sculpt their figures and faces into desirable shapes and contours. Why is that even today, the privileged male gaze still seems to determine and dictate ideal female form, image and behaviour.
Former US President Bill Clinton revealed in his biography My Life, that he did have an affair with Monica Lewinsky (which he had earlier conveniently denied). Having confessed, he excuses himself, dismissing it as a mistake that should never have happened. His book sold like hot cakes, the media excused him and men at large were again reassured that they do not need to take responsibility for their own sexual behaviour. This makes me wonder are we still living in Patriarchy type of sociological conditions. Patriarchy has always allocated sexual rights to men and responsibilities to women. It’s simply sad and pathetic to see that this ethical code still exists, even among progressive and enlightened people.
"The trouble with lies is it’s hard to forget where the real man hides."
–Gene Eugene, lead singer of Adam Again
I always admire people who are not afraid to come out in the light and live their life fearlessly. The Naked Cowboy in Times Square playing his guitar and giving a smile in the busiest city in the world.
An exotic dancer at a Gentleman’s club showing off her skill, talent and her body knowing full well their relatives or friends could walk into the door at any time. They are honest and open about who they are and despite their inner fears they face it and deal with whatever the outcome.
Unfortunately, people of the Christian faith have a harder time dealing with being an honest people. Oh don’t get me wrong, their faith is strong and many don’t have a trouble getting dressed to head into church to worship God. But if there is any subject that causes even the truest of believer to cower into the corner its sex.
Sex keeps even the truest believer to find a good excuse to be somewhere else other than in the place where you are. Why? In many pulpits around the world it is taught that sex is wonderful when it is placed in the marital bed.
Sex outside of that (or any variance of “God’s design”) is an abomination in the eyes of God, so they say. Yet many a believer—myself included—find us in situations where we say one thing and do another.
This is the hypocrite’s tale. It is a tale of longing, wanting badly to be honest about what we are attracted to. Our love of everything sexual, and a desire to have a relationship where there are no secrets between our partners and ourselves is a dream that seems so far away.
Some in the church say that’s an oxymoron! I say this is not only attainable but something I think God supports in our lives. But if we are to get to that place of honesty there is one thing you and I need to say from the get go:
I LOVE SEX!
Say that three times to yourself or stand in the mirror and say it out loud. There, don’t you feel better now? I hope so. If we are to start on the road to honesty we need to say this to ourselves and admit we enjoy this great gift God created in us. So you like sex eh? Good. Now lets get down to the next phase of an honest life.
Here is a revelation that is going to shock the socks off of you. Baring any sexual abuse to children, animals, an adulterous affair, or other adults who are forced upon sexually you can enjoy pretty much anything else provided it doesn’t offend your conscious or the conscious of anyone else. God has given you the freedom to enjoy the wide range of sexuality. From masturbation to even (dare I say it) inviting others into your bedroom you don’t have to act in the shadows again.
I thought so too because for many years I lived in the shadows sexually gorging on anything erotic to whet my appetite while in public I denounced these very acts as wicked and wrong. The best way to describe it is like you gorge on mounds and mounds of sexual material and experiences as if you never had sex before.
Then you get so stuffed (sexually speaking) you go to church or to your own home and regurgitate all those experiences with promises of “I’ll be a better Christian Lord if you’ll help me never to do this again”. You’re then caught in a vicious cycle of craving for sex, getting filled behind the backs of everyone, regret, repenting and re-repenting to never do it again.
Sit back and look at what’s going on here. You are letting this cycle take control of you and one day it will destroy all the things that is good within your life.
Relationships with spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends are ruined because you can’t bring yourself to the truth you like sex. Take it from me you don’t have to beat yourself up for having a sexual thought.
Break the cycle. Learn to accept yourself not just as a spiritual being but also as a sexual one too with needs for intimacy and love. Accept yourself not as evil for touching yourself, for seeing bodies entwined in passion, or enjoying entwining yourself but as a normal person of God. Paul said it best in Romans: “Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as evil.” (Rom 14: 15).
Today is the day to stop living in the shadows and start living an honest life. It is sad the rest of the church is more worried about sex toys or whether a child sees a nipple and not enough time encouraging fellow sisters and brothers to enjoy their God given right to sex.
Determine today that this will be the time in your life you don’t have to be crushed by guilt and manufactured fear (fed by tradition and misinformation) and find out how much of sexuality you really can enjoy.
In its global campaign to attract foreign tourists, India's "Incredible India" ads feature a young woman enjoying her morning yoga session on a secluded beach.
In reality, what female tourists experience too often is this: persistent ogling and heckling by Indian men.
"At times I find it hard traveling around as a woman in Delhi. I've been groped twice in public," said Amanda Burrell, 36, a blue-eyed, blond-haired documentary filmmaker from England on vacation in India. "I think Indian women have it much worse."
If the Indian male ever had a reputation for being suave and sophisticated, that image has hit rock bottom. In recent weeks a spate of attacks against women and a new study showing rape as the fastest-growing crime in New Delhi are painting a less flattering picture.
In India, the fact that men are being held under such heightened scrutiny is a sign of changing social rules between men and women as the country modernizes.
While more and more Indian women move into the high-tech workforce or rise to key government posts in the new India, some analysts say many women appear to be losing the battle to overcome centuries-old cultural attitudes that tend to devalue the role of women and keep them dependent on men.
"Many of India's social values have not kept pace with the development of its modern cities," said Shaibal Gupta, a social analyst for the Asian Development Research Institute, a nongovernmental agency based in the northeastern Indian state of Bihar.
India's predominantly Hindu culture is skewed in favor of boys and men, say some social experts. In India's deep-rooted system of dowry, a bride's family pays the groom for marrying her - a custom that has been outlawed but only loosely enforced.
"Most Indian men don't have opportunities for intimate contact with women until their mid-20s," Gupta said. "For some of them, their only exposure to women in a sexual context has been in the virtual realms of Bollywood and Internet porn sites."
For many women in India, the result can be terrifying.
In an incident that rattled the country, dozens of young men taunted and groped two girls as they left a New Year's Eve party at a popular five-star hotel in Mumbai, formerly known as Bombay. An Indian newspaper photographer called the police and recorded the melee in a shocking series of photos that ran on the front page of almost every major newspaper in India, launching a flurry of editorials.
In a televised interview, the outraged chief of India's ministry for women and child development called for the death penalty for those convicted of rape.
There have been several high-profile assaults recently against foreign women in India. A British freelance journalist allegedly was raped by the owner of a guesthouse where she was staying in northern India. A 28-year-old American tourist was groped by a Hindu priest while visiting a temple in the northwestern Indian state of Rajasthan.
Several Western embassies have issued warnings on the dangers women often face in India.
"I get stared at, and sometimes men approach me and say things. But I've lived in India long enough that I've almost stopped paying attention to it," said Lauren Olsen, 16, a student at an American school in Delhi.
"It can be difficult being a girl here," she said.
Chinese police have launched a nationwide online crackdown to delete pornographic pictures of several Hong Kong celebrities and pledged to close any Websites that published the raunchy photos.
The step is the latest in authorities' bid to control the spread of the photos, which show Hong Kong actor and singer Edison Chen and several female stars naked in bed and in sexual poses.
The scandal has created a media frenzy and heated discussions on BBS communities both in Hong Kong and on the mainland since late January.
Some Internet users shared the 800-plus pictures by e-mail or posting them on other Websites.
Police in Beijing warned that anyone found sending the pictures to friends, even for free, will be detained for a maximum of 15 days. Posting the photos online violates the Security Administration Punishment Law, the Legal Evening News reported yesterday.
Those who have sent more than 200 nude pictures via email, chat rooms and BBS will be investigated under criminal law, the police said.
The Beijing Internet News Information Review Council, initiated by the government-sponsored Beijing Association of Online Media, issued a statement on Monday rapped Baidu.com, the biggest Chinese search engine, for "behaving badly."
The association "severely criticizes Baidu's behavior" and demanded the company make a public apology for spreading the nude pictures.
In Hong Kong, up to 10 people were detained for spreading the photos.
And in the southern city of Shenzhen, police have apprehended 10 suspects for allegedly producing, selling and purchasing discs of the photos.
Three suspects were given five-day administrative detention, and two others were under criminal detention and still being quizzed by police.
Thirteen online portals on the mainland have issued a joint statement asking domestic Websites to boycott the nude photos. It urged Netizens and Website staff to be self-disciplined and halt the spread of the photos.
So far, more than 40 domestic Websites have rallied to support the joint statement.
Chen out of a job
Meanwhile, actor Edison Chen said he will fulfill existing commitments and then leave the Hong Kong entertainment industry indefinitely due to the nude photo scandal.
Pictures showing the 27-year-old, Canadian-born Chinese actor and singer posing in bed with numerous female celebrities - including singer Gillian Chung and actress Cecilia Cheung, Joey Yung and Bobo Chan -- recently hit the Internet, the Shanghai Daily reported Thursday.
"I'm sorry to those ladies and their families and most of all, I feel sorry for Hong Kong people," Chen said at a press conference. "These photos were very private and have not been shown to people and were never intended to be shown to anyone."
The Shanghai Daily said Chen explained he would honor some existing commitments, and then leave the entertainment industry "indefinitely."
He said he decided to do this "to give myself an opportunity to heal myself and to search my soul.
"I have failed as a role model. However I wish that this matter will teach everyone a lesson. I hope the scandal can be over as soon as possible and prevent more young people from further injuries," Chen said.
AUCKLAND: Southland grandmother Jan Waddell has one wish she wants to die from old age and not the HIV retrovirus she got from a contaminated needle in Australia six years ago.
Until then the former nurse wants people to deal with their ignorance, learn about women with HIV, and get rid of their negative reaction and discrimination.
Mrs Waddell (59), who with her husband runs a small lifestyle block with alpacas, goats, sheep and chickens at Mataura, is one of the public faces of a campaign by Auckland HIV and Aids support group, Positive Women.
The campaign, launched in Auckland yesterday, wants to overcome the common but misguided impression that women with HIV are different and should be feared and avoided.
‘‘We are no different to anybody else and that’s the message we want to get across,’’ said Mrs Waddell.
She contracted HIV in Australia in 2002 in a one-in-amillion chance, when she pricked her thumb with a contaminated needle as she put it into a ‘‘sharps’’ container, which is used for sharp instruments and syringes.
She was confirmed as having HIV, or the human immunodeficiency virus, about three months later.
Without treatment, HIV can lead to Aids (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) and death. With modern treatment, HIV patients can live a long life, some without side effects from the drugs they must take.
Jane Bruning, Positive Women national co-ordinator, who first learned she had HIV 20 years ago, said HIV did not automatically lead to Aids.
‘‘Nowadays, there are such good medications and people are living 20, 30 years and more, so it is possible you may not die from HIV although you will have to take medications for most of your life.’’
She said HIV was not restricted to the gay community and recently the number of heterosexual people with HIV, particularly women, was growing.
By 2006, the number of women with HIV had passed the number of gay men with the disease.
For Mrs Waddell, living with HIV had been an emotional challenge but she coped with a lot of support from her family and friends.
She believes she will probably live out her life without contracting Aids, particularly with the huge advances in HIV medicines.
However, with the medicines come the side effects.
‘‘I have had so many side effects. In the last six years, I have been on four different combos because of side effects.
‘‘I have had muscle wasting, fatigue, nausea. I have had problems with my liver, kidney stones, insomnia, a whole lot of things.
‘‘I am doing pretty well at the moment and the top of my wish list is that old age will get me before Aids does.
‘‘The realities are pretty good.’’
She said modern medications were giving a quantity of life and a better quality of life was just around the corner.
‘‘It is not the death sentence it once was.’’
HIV also came with another side effect which Mrs Waddell and her husband decided on jointly: sex is no longer part of their life because HIV can be passed on through sexual contact.
‘‘My husband and I decided at the very early stages we would absolutely abstain from everything. We were quite comfortable with that in our married life and still are and that has never been a problem for us.’’
She concedes doing without sex could be a big issue for some couples where one had been diagnosed as HIV positive.
‘‘There is always that worry that something will go wrong the condom will fail.’’
For Mrs Waddell and her husband it was a personal choice but it also depended on the strength of their relationship and how understanding the partner was.
It could put a huge stress on relationships but for Mrs Waddell and her husband, it meant a stronger relationship.
‘‘We talked about it. There are other things that are more important to him.’’
She said her husband understood what HIV was and had been supportive and understanding.
Her advice to other couples facing an HIV crisis was to be honest with each other.
‘‘You have to sit down and talk to each other and be totally honest. You have to say if you are going to miss this sex then we have to make a decision.
‘‘But I think it would be very hard for them.’’
She also urged people to get all the support they could from friends and family and any specialist groups such as Positive Women, where they could talk freely and not worry about any stigma.
She said there was not enough education to overcome the ‘‘fear of the unknown’’ among people who did not know enough about HIV or Aids.
She said people did not want to come near her or touch her for fear of catching HIV.
Many also felt it was a disease restricted to the homosexual community.
‘‘There are so many people out there who still believe it is called the gay plague and it is just ridiculous people can be thinking like that in this day or age.’’
She said being part of a campaign which had never been undertaken in New Zealand, was a wonderful experience.
Beijing, February 20: China will come up with a special HIV/AIDS prevention policy this year to combat the rising incidence of the infection in the gay population of the country, the ministry of health said here Wednesday.
The policy will incorporate detailed HIV/AIDS prevention measures for gays, including extending the use of condoms, according to the ministry's work plan for disease prevention and control in 2008.
China has decided to intensify its AIDS intervention campaign on gays by carrying out AIDS prevention training among the gay population nationwide as well as conducting consultation, HIV/AIDS tests, venereal disease treatment in some areas, the ministry said.
According to an appraisal report jointly prepared by the Ministry of Health, the World Health Organization (WHO) and UNAIDS, among the 700,000 people living with HIV/AIDS in China by the end of 2007, 40.6 percent contracted the virus through heterosexual transmission, 11.1 percent through same sex intercourse.
'Sex has become the main channel of contracting the HIV virus,' the report said.
China's health department estimated that the country has 5 million to 10 million gays. Most of them are in middle and large cities in China.
According to recent research on gays, prevalence of HIV/AIDS among this group in China is getting serious with the infection rate reaching 2.5 percent to 6.5 percent.
The Chinese government will expand its coverage of replacement therapy for drug addicts, using methadone, a synthesised narcotic, and continue to improve its policy of offering AIDS patients various free services, such as counselling, testing, anti-viral medicine and education for orphans of AIDS patients, the ministry said.
Clinics providing the therapy have been built in 503 communities in 23 provinces, autonomous regions and municipalities, figures from the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) showed.
KULUPDANGA: Three boys and two girls were married to puppies in the superstition that it would ward off evil at this remote tribal-dominated village in Jharkhand's Saraikela-Kharswan district on Monday.
Salu Banra, the mother of one of the girls, 15-year-old Puspa, a student of class seven in a government school said, “this is a custom. We set the puppy free after the marriage.”
The upper tooth appearing in either a girl or a boy is considered inauspicious by the Ho tribe which lives in this village. “Marriage to puppies of the opposite gender gets rid of the evil,” said some of the other villagers.
They said that six marriages between puppies and boys and girls had taken place on Sunday.
The pup-human marriage takes place on only two days in a year - the second and third of the month of Maghe. Today was the third of Maghe.
Full grown dogs are not used in the marriages but puppies which are called 'pida panda' (one who drives away evil).
All rituals and customs of a tribal marriage takes place with a priest officiating and guests invited, entertained by songs and dances, the villagers told a PTI correspondent.
Dowry in cash is sought and given. The bride is also given new clothes to wear. Only in case of smearing of sindur (vermillion), it is applied not to the puppies or humans but to a tree known locally as 'renge banam'.
When contacted, SDO Dinesh Prasad said, “this is a tradition. As long as they don't disturb others, we don't interfere.”
An elderly woman belonging to the Ho community, Laxmi Kalundia, said such marriages also demonstrated the fondness for pets and nature.
“Only pet dogs are preferable in such marriages,” she said. The marriage to pups also did not hinder the real marriage in future, she said as husbands and wives accepted this as a part of tribal custom.
The 15-year-old bride said she was happy and hoped to lead a peaceful life free from evil.
Lane Jensen, an Edmonton tattoo artist, decided that in order to make his calf tattoo of a buxom woman more realistic, he would get silicone implants for it. You can guess for which part of the tattoo, I'm sure.
However, even in women, silicone implants don't always take. In this case, they didn't take either. His body rejected them.
According to Jensen, augmenting tattoos with implants is becoming more popular. As an artist, I'm sure he's always into the latest developments.
In this case 3-D might have been better achieved with 3-D glasses, I guess. You can see the tattoo above prior to the rejection. I'm sure you can make out the, er, shapeliness.
Two Iranian sisters convicted of adultery face being stoned to death after the supreme court upheld the death sentences against them, the Etemad newspaper Monday quoted their lawyer as saying.
The two were found guilty of adultery -- a capital crime in Islamic Iran -- after the husband of one sister presented video evidence showing them in the company of other men while he was away.
"Branch 23 of the supreme court has confirmed the stoning sentence," said their lawyer, Jabbar Solati.
The penal court of Tehran province had already sentenced the sisters identified only as Zohreh, 27, and Azar (no age given) to stoning, the daily said.
Solati explained that the two sisters had initially been tried for "illegal relations" and received 99 lashes. However in a second trial they were convicted of "adultery."
The pair admitted they were in the video presented by the husband but argued that there was no adultery as none of the footage showed them engaged in a sexual act with other men.
"There is no legal evidence whereby the judge could have the knowledge for issuing a stoning sentence," Solati said, adding that he had appealed to the state prosecutor.
"The two sisters have been tried twice for one crime," Solati protested.
Under Iran's Islamic law adultery is theoretically punishable by stoning, although in late 2002 judiciary head Ayatollah Mahmoud Hashemi Shahroudi issued a writ suspending such executions.
However in July 2007, Jafar Kiani was stoned to death for adultery in a village in the northwestern province of Qazvin in a rare execution by stoning that provoked a wave of international outrage.
Capital offences in Iran include murder, rape, armed robbery, serious drug trafficking and adultery. Iran currently makes more use of the death penalty -- almost always by hanging -- than any other country apart from China.
Zohreh's husband -- who accused his wife and her sister in January 2007 of having extra-marital affairs -- had planted a camera in his house in a bid to catch them in the act.
"She did not treat me well and her actions made me feel she did not want to live with me any more," said the husband, who was not named.
"To make sure I planted a camera in the house... When I watched the tape two days after, I found out that she and her sister brought over men after I left and had relationships with them," he said.
Zohreh said she had an edgy relationship with her husband because of the strict limits he imposed on her life.
"I was a teacher and loved my job but my husband did not let me work... he was always suspicious of me and thought our differences were because I had an affair," she was quoted as saying by the daily.
"I do not approve the confessions that I made in the investigation phase and I deny what I said," she said.
Etemad reported that the husband of the other sister, Azar, had not filed any complaint against her.
Okay, let's be honest - even sex can get boring, especially if it's with the same person day after day and in particular, if you don't vary things a bit. Would you want to eat chocolate mousse for dessert every day for the rest of your life? And yet, people often think of having sex in the missionary position as "normal" and do it that way every time without respite. But it's not just positions that count. There are many factors which help to create surprise, fun, spontaneity and excitement in sexual relations. Let's look at some of them.
Attitude
The most important sex organ is the mind. That's where arousal begins and ideas are generated. So, let your mind get down and dirty! It‘s fun and helps a lot to take love-making out of the ordinary and into the realms of fantasy, ecstasy, and even the bizarre if you wish. Only you know your own mind, so allow it free rein. Try not to monitor or judge your thoughts even if they seem a bit "off" or unusual. After all, you don't have to live out your fantasies - in fact, a fantasy lived out is a fantasy lost. Some things you may want to try out; others, you might prefer to enjoy in the privacy of your own thoughts. So, just be open to this area of sexual expression and it'll be a good start.
Communication
Let your partner in on some of these ideas. If they don't want to try them out, that's fine, but just talking about them can be very arousing. Also, honesty about what you're thinking creates true intimacy. Ask your partner to experiment and tell them what you want, for example, if you fancy trying anal sex for the first time or if you want to try out a particular sex aid. If you don't ask, you won't know. A lot of people find it hard to talk about sex and especially asking for what they want in bed. We're not all the same - just as some of us are more verbal and clear, others can be shy and more introverted. That's where videos and sex games can help a lot in breaking down inhibitions.
Variety
Make a point of trying something new regularly. If you live busy lives and tend to have a "quickie" once a week or so, start setting time aside to just be together. Create a sensual sexual space and don't rush. Enjoy each other's bodies, play, experiment, talk openly about your feelings and desires. Don't wait for your partner to do all the initiating. Swap roles continuously - nothing is more stimulating! Sometimes, be the dominant one, at other times, be more passive, act out fantasies, dress up. Variety can come in the form of positions, the actual things you do in bed and of course, where you do it. Surprise your partner in the shower, phone him or her at work and talk dirty, wake up in the middle of the night, fondle your partner out of sleep and insist on sex right then! Maybe greet your partner at the end of the day dressed up in a PVC outfit or as a French maid then insist on wearing the outfit throughout the evening without any physical contact at all. Anticipation is half the fun! These are just suggestions but if you let your imagination run free, you'll come up with all kinds of activities and games that will put the spark back into a dull sex life.
Toys
Of course, it's best if you can keep your relationship exciting continuously rather than wait till it gets deathly dull and then try to gee it up. Often, when people see me for sexual dysfunction problems or difficulties in their marriage, it comes down to boredom, in the case of infidelity, for example. Sex doesn't have to be mind-blowing all the time but it should be satisfying to both parties and that takes a little bit of effort after the first heady days of lust and constant longing.
More reading about female sexuality:
Reconnecting With Your Sexuality
Sexual Showstoppers
Where's The Sensuality?
The official New York City condom has a different look and a sexy new slogan: New Yorkers are being encouraged to 'get some' on Valentine's Day.
Street teams will be handing out the free condoms at busy hubs around the city on Thursday, including Times Square, Wall Street and near City Hall.
And an ad campaign on television, radio and subways and buses will soon begin, featuring the catch phrase.
'We want to give away as many condoms as people will use because we're trying to make New York City an even safer place to have sex, and this is a powerful way to do it,' said Monica Sweeney, the Health Department's assistant commissioner for HIV prevention and control.
The free condom initiative is part of the city's effort to reduce rates of sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies. About 100,000 of New York's 8.2 million residents have HIV or AIDS, and many more are diagnosed each year.
The city has made free condoms available for years, but last year revamped the package with a distinct look to encourage usage. Since then the city has been giving away 3 million condoms a month on average, up from 1.5 million a month before the redesign.
The design introduced last year was a black wrapper stamped with the letters 'NYC CONDOM' in the same font and bright colors used on city subway maps and signs.
The new design unveiled Wednesday features the letters 'NYC' in black, inside three adjoining white circles. Underneath the 'NYC' is the word 'CONDOM,' with each letter in a different color. The wrapper is still black and the condom inside, from the Lifestyles brand, is the same.
Designer Yves Behar, founder of the San Francisco-based agency fuseproject, created the wrapper's new look, which he said he wanted to be friendly and unintimidating.
The city said new condom dispensers, also designed by Behar, will be available for establishments that wish to distribute the condoms. Currently about 900 establishments _ some restaurants, bars and salons but mostly nonprofit groups _ offer the condoms, Sweeney said.
Last year, the city's condom campaign angered New York's top Catholic leaders, who said Mayor Michael Bloomberg's administration was promoting promiscuity by 'blanketing our neighborhoods with condoms.'
By: Christy Lemire, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS Surely it's not too early to feel nostalgic for 1992. After all, it was 16 whole years ago. No iPods yet - and those clunky cell phones! Kurt Cobain was still alive and Bill Clinton hadn't even met Monica Lewinsky, much less had sexual relations with that woman. Thankfully, writer-director Adam Brooks doesn't wallow too obnoxiously in the not-so-distant kitsch with "Definitely, Maybe," a surprisingly clever romantic comedy that starts brightly but unfortunately loses its spark at the end. He mainly uses the period to establish the story of Ryan Reynolds'Will, a disillusioned New York ad man who's just been served divorce papers when the movie opens. That afternoon, he picks up his 10-year-old daughter Maya (the always adorable Abigail Breslin) from school and is horrified to discover that she and her classmates have had a sex education lesson, which prompts a flurry of uncomfortable questions about where she came from and who else Will dated besides her mom. (Maya has fun using the new terminology she's learned that day, loudly and often.) And so Will reluctantly tells her of his romantic past as a bedtime story, changing the names so that she (and we) won't know which girlfriend became her mother until the end. There's Emily (Elizabeth Banks), his wholesome college sweetheart from Wisconsin; April (Isla Fisher), a flighty but quick-witted aide he meets while working on Clinton's presidential campaign; and the sophisticated writer Summer (Rachel Weisz), who's out of his league. Brooks, who previously co-wrote the flat sequel "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason" and the reasonably pleasing "Wimbledon," jumps back and forth between Will's recollections of his various interludes and his present-day attempts to keep them clean for his daughter, who chimes in with sweet and frequently smart-alecky commentary. (If Breslin seems too precocious, you're too cynical.) His characters are distinctly drawn and well cast, with each woman believably shaping Will into the man he becomes. And Reynolds, who is in every scene, continues to move beyond such raunchy comedies as "Van Wilder" and "Waiting ..." to establish himself as a viable leading man, with terrific looks and even better comic timing. He has especially great chemistry with the effervescent Fisher, who is as irresistible here as she was in "Wedding Crashers"; when they're together, as close friends who clearly long to be more, they make "Definitely, Maybe" feel like a throwback to the classics of the genre. Banks, who is a bit underused, brings a sense of warmth and calm to the film, while Weisz sexes things up. Kevin Kline has a couple of crackling scenes as Summer's mentor and lover - a prolific, drunk writer whom Will mistakes for her father in his initial innocence. But while Brooks has made an inventive romantic comedy - something that seems impossible to do these days - his ending takes way too long and makes too many twists. We have to slog through repeated permutations of who Maya's mom might have been and who Will's soul mate might be. (If you're paying attention, there's a hint in the lyrics of a Vanessa Williams song that plays at one point.) It is amusing and especially timely, though, that Will's optimism mirrors that of the Clinton administration. When we first meet him, he's out to change the world, too, and perhaps become president himself someday. In time, he learns too much about the candidate in whom he had so much faith, and about the women to whom he opened his heart; the knowledge hardens him, leaving him depressed and jaded. Brooks says he finished the script just before Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her run for the White House, but the timing is a hoot. So is a comment from Derek Luke as Will's best friend on the campaign staff, who has his own dreams of becoming the nation's first black president. Three stars out of four.
HIV/AIDS policies and programmes disregard the sexual needs of people living with the virus, claim a number of HIV-positive women who attended the third Africa Conference on Sexual Health and Rights -- held this week in Nigeria.
The initiatives focus on prevention and treatment, they add, ignoring the fact that people living with HIV/AIDS who are conducting normal lives still want to experience sexual pleasure, and have children.
"The epidemic has evolved. HIV-infected people are not dying; we are living and we are having sex," noted Beatrice Were, an activist in Uganda for the Global AIDS Alliance, a non-profit based in Washington.
She said health care providers and others are shocked when they discover that a person living with HIV/AIDS is either interested in or having sex, viewing this as irresponsible -- even though condoms have been shown to be highly effective in preventing transmission of the HI virus, and re-infection of a person who has already tested positive.
"We are looked upon as patients who need to be pitied, patients who must be told what to do -- and this includes to abstain from sex, and not to fall pregnant," added Were, who has been HIV-positive for 16 years. "We are treated with bias, even though we are capable of enjoying sexual pleasure without passing on the disease."
Furthermore, noted Belinda Tima -- board co-chair of the International Community of Women Living with HIV/AIDS (ICW), a charity headquartered in London -- sexual pleasure need not be limited to penetrative sex, but can take a variety of forms.
Even the staunchest advocate of condom use cannot claim that the prophylactics are completely effective, however. Is there perhaps a sense among health workers that even the small risk of someone contracting the virus during protected sex with an HIV-positive person is too great?
"Condoms are not 100 percent safe -- we refer to it as 'safer sex' -- but the risk of infection in minimal," responded Anne Ntombela, the ICW's programme director for South Africa. "If you understand the nature of HIV and how it is transmitted you will know that it is not as easy as people think. It needs exposure for a sufficient period of time under the right conditions, and it needs an exit and entry point," she added, in reference to cuts, sores and the like.
The larger issue at play is a moral one, Ntombela said. "Health care workers try to force their moral values on other people, but in reality people will not stop having sex. They would be better served if they were told how to have safer sex, rather than not to engage in sex at all."
In addition, countries should create "...an environment that supports access to services. We need prevention tools like female condoms...and we need more co-operative research on living with HIV and AIDS, and policies and programmes that take cognisance of this."
Pregnancy prevention
Concerns about the sexual activity of HIV-positive people extend to the matter of pregnancy.
HIV-positive women may pass on the virus to children during pregnancy, labour or while breastfeeding. ARVs can reduce the risk of transmission to under two percent, according to AVERT, a global charity that helps combat the pandemic. However, research has indicated persistent fears about mother-to-child transmission of HIV, and that mothers who are HIV-positive could die -- leaving behind orphans who may receive insufficient care.
"When I chose to have a baby 15 months ago people demanded to know why I took the risk of infecting my child. There was a 98 percent probability of not infecting my baby -- but people...demanded to know why I took that two percent risk," said Rolake Odetoyinbo, executive director of Positive Action for Positive Treatment, a non-governmental group in Nigeria. She has lived with HIV/AIDS for a decade.
A number of delegates at the conference claimed that certain clinics administer contraceptive injections when providing AIDS treatment to women, without receiving the consent of these women or counseling them. There are also reports of health workers acting judgmentally towards HIV-positive women in search of reproductive health care, and even denying them assistance. Indications are that women with the virus may be pressed into having an abortion where this option is available, or into being sterilised.
But even in the face of these difficulties, an array of factors prompt women living with HIV/AIDS to become pregnant or remain so, notes a 2002 report by Ipas, 'Reproductive choice and women living with HIV/AIDS'. Ipas is an international organisation for the advancement of women's sexual and reproductive rights.
It states that "...often younger women appear to be most motivated by a desire for motherhood and the idea that having a child will give them more hope. In a few cases, personal convictions that abortion is wrong may prevent them from seeking terminations, so that they end up having children 'by default'."
Social expectations as concerns family size, the stigma surrounding childlessness and unsuccessful attempts to terminate pregnancy also play a role. In addition, childbearing can be seen as "...a means of obtaining or ensuring economic support from partners".
Noted the ICW's Ntombela, diagnosed with HIV 17 years ago, "All pregnancy is risky. Telling an HIV-infected woman not to have a child is the same as telling all women not to have a child in case it is born with a defect, in case it has Down's syndrome."
"There are worse complications than HIV for a child HIV-infected children can experience a healthy life style -- it's not like 10 years ago."
Restrictive abortion laws
Another issue that came under discussion at the Third Africa Conference on Sexual Health and Rights, held Feb. 4-7 in the Nigerian capital of Abuja, was the failure of most nations on the continent to ensure legal and safe voluntary abortions.
Several speakers at the biennial meeting called for the liberalisation of abortion laws in Africa. "Annually there are 5.5 million unsafe abortions performed in Africa, resulting in 36,000 unnecessary deaths," said Elizabeth Maguire, president of Ipas.
The conference was organised by various groups, including Ipas and the World Health Organisation, under the theme 'Sexuality, Poverty and Accountability in Africa'. About 400 people from 32 countries were present at the event.
Copenhagen - Many Danish nursing homes do not shy away from helping residents contact prostitutes, the Politiken newspaper reported Friday. The newspaper quoted a recent survey conducted by the Danish Nurses Organization that suggested the practice was not uncommon.
"In general our approach is to help the elderly with that kind of need," said a nurse at a nursing home in Charlottenlund, near Copenhagen, according to the report.
Decisions about whether or not staff were allowed to assist elderly residents get in touch with sex-workers rested with local municipal authorities, the report said.
An exception was Copenhagen where such assistance is not allowed since 2006 when the city council adopted a programme to combat prostitution.
Sexologist Judith Rosenkrantz, who has earlier been head of a nursing home and now advises health workers, said that the needs of elderly residents have to be taken into account.
The most common category were men, often suffering from dementia.
"If the elderly person is not able to channel his sexuality, he can become aggressive and start attacking staff," Rosenkrantz said.
Rosenkrantz said that the main need was often physical contact, a cuddle or help to masturbate rather than actual sexual intercourse.
Yelena laughs. "What else can I do now but laugh," she asks. She has a nice smile and a hearty laugh, a youthful body and a pink, smooth face that belie her 41 years. They also belie the accident. The fire did not touch her face.
The horror is concealed beneath her clothes. The fire slowly licked every inch of her body. Limb after limb, without letup. But seven years later Yelena tells her story calmly, without tears, without trembling. At the most difficult moments she laughs. "That's how I survive," she says. Only during a late-night conversation does she add: "When you leave, I'll be left with my thoughts. I won't be able to fall asleep."
Yelena (not her real name) and her attorney, Ahuva Zalcberg, are behind one of the most unusual lawsuits ever submitted to the Be'er Sheva District Court. The incident that prompted it occurred seven years ago. In 2000, Yelena was working as a prostitute in a discreet apartment in Be'er Sheva. One night in December of that year, at 3 A.M., as part of a battle with the owner over control of the business, unknown men broke in, beat and stabbed the guard to death and set the apartment on fire. They locked in Yelena and her Russian-national coworker, Tania, who is also a plaintiff in the case.
Yelena and Tania's survival was close to a miracle. Their bodies in flames, they broke through the window bars on the second-floor apartment and jumped. Both were hospitalized in serious condition in the intensive care unit of the city's Soroka Medical Center.
Yelena was on a respirator for three weeks and underwent several skin grafts. One of her feet became gangrenous and had to be amputated. She had third-degree burns over 60 percent of her body. After a long period at Soroka she was moved to Beilinson Hospital at Rabin Medical Center in Petah Tikva. In March 2001 she was admitted to Loewenstein Hospital Rehabilitation Center, Ra'anana, where she remained for six months.
Tania had third-degree burns on her arms and legs. After several operations her condition deteriorated and she returned to intensive care. Eventually, scorched and scarred, both women came through.
Today, in an unusual step, they are demanding monetary compensation from everyone responsible for operating the apartment where they provided sex services. They are suing the Be'er Sheva municipality, which according to the lawsuit was guilty of negligence and of violating its legal duty by not doing enough to close the business within its jurisdiction, about which it was cognizant. They are suing the Israel Police on the grounds that it knew about the business and about the violent incidents occurring there and did not do enough to close it or at least ensure the safety of its workers. They are suing the operator of the massage parlor, Meir Danino, who according to the suit neglected to ensure the safety of the employees and to observe fire safety regulations, including the provision of emergency entrances and exits.
Yelena and Tania are claiming compensation for lost future income. They say that had it not been for the accident they would have continued working in prostitution and earned tidy sums. In addition, Yelena seeks compensation for her exceptional expenses in the wake of her serious injuries. "It is unconscionable that there be a business, much less an illegal one, which everyone allows to exist without ensuring basic safety conditions for the clients and the workers," says Zalcberg. "Either close the business, or demand the same safety conditions as in every business. You can't have it both ways."
Better to die
In Yelena's house the lights are dimmed and the atmosphere is peaceful. Her young son is sleeping, her older daughter is off in her room with the phone. They live in a cozy, orderly apartment in a good area in the center of the country. Yelena, serious and carefully groomed, earns a living from casual babysitting jobs. She is afraid the rent will increase next year and they will have to leave. That is her greatest fear, to be left without a home for her children. It was this fear that drove her into the sex industry 10 years ago, when she was a new divorcee with a young daughter. Most of the people in her life today do not know about her shady past. When people ask about her scars she says she was injured in a terror attack.
Be'er Sheva was not the first city where she worked as a prostitute. "I went to work in Be'er Sheva because a prostitute has to go all over [the country] to survive," Yelena says. "If you stay in the same place the men get tired of you. That's how I came to Be'er Sheva, too. You know, every place has its own character and its own men. I worked in Jerusalem, Haifa, the center of the country, everywhere the work is different. It's easiest to work in Be'er Sheva, in the periphery," she smiles, whispering, "The men aren't sophisticated, it doesn't take much to satisfy them. The Israeli men in the center of the country can drive you crazy with their fantasies. In Be'er Sheva it's enough for them to see me naked and they come. A minute or two, all I do is touch their hand and good-bye."
She was unaware of the struggles for control among the city's pimps. All she wanted was to work and to leave with her money. "In prostitution it's not the police that are scary, it's the conflicts among the pimps. And I was the victim of such a disagreement." What exactly was it over? She doesn't know and doesn't want to know. "What else could they argue about? Money."
A few days before the fire several unknown men came and roughed up Yelena and the security guard at the massage parlor. She realized that serious trouble was brewing. "Scary men came in. One came over, pulled my lips up and down and looked at my teeth. Like buying a horse. I don't know what kind of nerves a person needs to allow someone to do that to him and not to move, to remain silent. Not to say a thing. At that moment I erased myself. I knew that man could kill. When they left I asked Yasha, the guard: 'Who is that? What is that?' He explained that they were the muscle for one of the big massage parlor operators in the city. We prostitutes don't get involved in the politics among the pimps. I worked, paid the cashier what I needed to and went home. But when that happened I knew I had to get out."
She did not get out. On December 21, 2000 Yelena reported for her shift as usual. "That night, from 2 A.M. to 3 A.M. I was in one room and Tania in the other, and Yasha was at the entrance. Yasha was a good guy. A father of three, he had a regular job in the morning and at night he was a guard at the massage parlor. He was always worried about his livelihood. I barely knew Tania. There was no connection, each did her own work. It was a slow night and we wanted to close up already. And then the owner called and told me to stay for another hour because he was sending a friend of his. I said alright. The client arrived. I was already naked. While I was with the client we suddenly heard a loud noise. Our door was kicked open. Men wearing black masks, with clubs in their hands, came in. At first I felt my blood flood with adrenalin, that I had no air. They laid the client on the bed and began hitting him on the legs with the clubs. And I was there. Standing in front of them and watching, naked. I thought: 'What should I do, what should I do?' And then one said to the other: 'Why are you standing there, bring the bottle.'
"I realized they wanted to burn the place down," Yelena continued. "He told me 'Go there,' to the other room. And when I started going he poured kerosene on the floor and on me, too. At that moment I thought that it was better to die on the spot than to be so scared. I went into the bathroom, I wanted to open the window and jump out. Tania, who had also come in, said: 'Don't do it now. They'll kill us.' The window was hard to open, they would have heard and killed us. Meanwhile we saw them pouring kerosene all over the apartment. I turned on the water in the bathtub, maybe it would help. And then they left and threw matches inside. Boom. The flames rose all at once."
The arsonists left and locked the apartment, dooming those inside to death. "You know, from the shock of the fear you don't feel a thing. I didn't feel the fire burning me. I didn't feel pain. The entire apartment was in flames. I saw Yasha there, lying on the floor, and told him: 'Get up, Yasha, get up or you'll burn.' At that point I didn't know that he was badly hurt. As soon as they came in they had stabbed him in the stomach. When Tania managed to open the window I couldn't see anymore. I closed my eyes and suddenly opened them. I think I woke up because I felt I had no air. And then I jumped from the second floor. The thought in my mind was that I had a child waiting for me.
"I started rolling in the sand, I tried to cool my skin a little. I saw Tania sitting in front of me not understanding what was happening. Her dress was torn, everything was black. I was completely naked. Tania said to me: 'Let's go.' We were in a backyard but we were afraid that the arsonists were still there. In the end we went out into the street. A taxi driver stopped, I never learned his name. But I thank him. He brought us to the hospital." When she saw the doctors she managed to utter one sentence: "Put me to sleep. I can't stand it anymore."
Is that hell?
"I think that there, in hell, it's easier. I was clinically dead, I closed my eyes, I know what it's like when you get there. There's nothing there that's like what I went through in that apartment. Now I'm not afraid of death."
Security
Yelena immigrated to Israel in 1991 from St. Petersburg, Russia with her husband and their daughter. They divorced soon afterward and Yelena found herself alone in a foreign country, without a support network, without language skills and without any source of income. In Russia she had studied track and field, there was no work in Israel in that. "I didn't see any work I could do apart from prostitution," she says.
In 1997 she began working at a massage parlor in the center of the country. Yelena does not condemn prostitution: just the opposite. Were it not for the arson and her injuries she probably would have continued to spend her nights in a moldy apartment with strange men. She sees nothing wrong with it. Yelena says that the professional life of a prostitute lasts for about 15 years, and she barely managed to work for three. It was thanks to prostitution that she managed to settle down and be a good mother, she says. Her daily schedule was like that of a perfect mother. In the morning she would bring her daughter to kindergarten or school, then sleep until noon, cook lunch, pick up her daughter and spend the rest of the day with her. It was only after her daughter fell asleep that Yelena would go out for another night in the massage parlor.
"When I'm in the massage parlor I'm not myself," she says. "I'm someone else entirely. It's theater. 'The prostitute' is a disguise I wear. I don't know if you can understand, but the garbage in that place is the men. They beg for my services. I'm the strong one. You know, in those places you could explode from laughter."
What's funny?
"We would laugh at the men, at ourselves, at everything. We laughed at one another because we're all in the gutter there, as low as possible, and only in such a situation can you say everything and laugh about everything, because otherwise what's left?"
From the sidelines it's hard to understand your acceptance of prostitution. Didn't you want to get out of it?
"I didn't see anyplace to go to. How could I get out? My Hebrew wasn't good, worse than now. When I came to Israel they sent me to work in a packing house. I didn't want to. In prostitution I made money. I traveled abroad a lot with my daughter, I had a housekeeper. I lived very well. My status as a prostitute was entirely different. I wasn't a tourist, like the ones they smuggle here via Egypt, take away their papers, smuggle them from place to place and don't give them money. In my case it was a choice, I saw prostitution as work. I didn't go there to pass the time. I would see the tourist prostitutes at the massage parlors depressed, sitting, drinking, talking and not wanting to work. I came to work, not to talk. I needed the money, after a few hours I would return home to my daughter."
Didn't it tear you apart, to go from the everyday world to an underworld of massage parlors? Didn't you want to work in a decent profession?
"I knew what I was doing. I understood that it was hard-earned money, but every day you make a sum of money and for me that was security. I was here by myself, I had to pay rent. My greatest fear was to find myself on the street with my daughter."
Does your daughter know?
"She knows. There was a time when she kept telling me that a friend from school had told her that her mother was such and such, and I always told her it wasn't true. You know how it is when someone pressures you. In the end I told her: 'Yes, it's true.' I told her one thing, that I don't want her to be in this profession. I told her what had happened. I explained to her why sometimes I'm in a bad mood, why sometimes I cry and why sometimes I don't feel like getting out of bed."
Do you talk about your past, does she ask why?
"We've never sat and talked. I never asked whether or not she's been traumatized or not. She's learned to live with it. I explained to her that I started working in prostitution because I had no choice. I explained to her that I had tried everything. The city welfare department doesn't pay rent. We needed the money."
Raw flesh
The moment Yelena opened her eyes in the hospital she began to cry. "The doctors came and told me what the situation was. I was covered with burns. I was like a mummy, all wrapped in white: my legs, my arms, my back. In my legs I felt something hard, heavy. The doctors explained that they had to amputate my foot. I couldn't speak, I was attached to a respirator. I simply cried."
During those first days of hospitalization Yelena was told that Yasha had died of his injuries. She was happy to find out that Tania had survived and was with her in the hospital. The two, who until that night had barely known one another, became close friends, supporting each other through the prolonged hospitalization. Yelena's mother came from Russia to care for her granddaughter, who remained at home.
"It's a very slow rehabilitation. The worst part is the baths. The pain that can drive you crazy. Every 24 hours they have to change the bandages covering your body. They put you into a room with a special bed, with two nurses on each side. I still remember the cold in that room. And then, together, they begin pulling off the bandages and they very quickly wash your skin with soap. Under the bandages there is actually no skin, it's raw flesh. And then they put on clean bandages. There is no word to describe that pain. After such a treatment you remain empty, airless. Sometimes even the nurses couldn't do it because they couldn't stand to see my suffering. Today nothing hurts me, not after those treatments."
Yelena remained at Soroka for over three months, receiving numerous skin grafts. From there she was transferred to Beilinson and then to Loewenstein for rehabilitation.
"I was a temperamental patient. I screamed. It hurt, it drove me crazy, I was impatient. I was angry at myself, why had this happened to me. I didn't do anything bad to anyone, why did I deserve it. But in the morning, when I opened my eyes, I had to laugh with Tania. We laughed over nonsense. The nurses were amazed at how we laughed. We would ask the doctors when we would be sexy again, and they would laugh. With all the pain there was joy as well. We were glad we were still alive."
Were there moments when you were in despair?
"In Soroka there was a period when I didn't want to recover. And then my daughter came to the hospital. She cried, I cried, and at that moment I decided that I would recover. I agreed to begin going to physiotherapy, which is very difficult because the skin shrinks and you can't stretch your arms and legs. I'm here today thanks to her. She gave me the motivation. She needed me."
After about a year Yelena returned home. "When I left the hospital I didn't even take my medical records. I didn't want to know how hard it had been. It's hard to return to life afterward. You keep thinking about it. I had bad moods. I didn't always want to get up in the morning. Even today, every morning I get up and look at the stump and it puts me in a bad mood."
How did your daughter react to all the events?
"I missed a year with her, and that's hard. She was just beginning adolescence when it happened. When I returned from the hospital I found another child, grown up, she already had a ring in her navel. She went through something and I lost the mother- daughter relationship. She began to menstruate and I wasn't even there."
Like any mother
Yelena met Zalcberg, who specializes in damage suits and does a lot of work on behalf of foreign workers, while she was at Beilinson. The hospital social workers called the lawyer and asked if she would meet with a solitary woman who needed help. "I came Friday evening," Zalcberg says. "I can't forget that day. She was lying in the room alone, for fear of infections. I saw a figure entirely covered with white bandages, with her extremities raised. Like in the movies. I could barely understand her when she spoke. But this figure, from inside the wrappings, radiated great strength and power."
Zalcberg also met Tania, who was staying at a police shelter for foreign nationals who are victims of trafficking and women and are to testify against their employers. "Tania's case was more difficult because she had no health insurance. After Soroka she had nowhere to go. Her medical condition was serious. The only organization that aided her was Physicians for Human Rights. She needed daily medical care, she had lots of burns and bandages."
Zalcberg took the unprecedented step of demanding that the National Insurance Institute (NII) recognize Yelena and Tania as the victims of a work accident, guaranteeing paid medical care and a lifetime disability allowance. "The NII is the most conservative organization in the world, and nevertheless we succeeded," Zalcberg says. Using documents obtained from the police Zalcberg was able to prove that the accident happened on the job and because of the job. "This is the first time the NII is recognizing an incident like this as a work accident, and it saved their lives."
The Be'er Sheva police arrested three men in connection to the incident, brothers Moti, Asher and Michel Abecassis, who are known to the police as being involved in the battle for control of the city's sex industry. They were held for a period of time but were never indicted. "There was no evidence," their attorney, Esther Bar-Zion, says. Tania was asked to testify but she was unable to recall the appearance of the attackers.
Zalcberg has been a witness to Yelena's difficulties. She was repeatedly evicted for failing to pay her rent when she was unable to find work. "I personally tried to find her a job," Zalcberg says. "It didn't work out. There's a language problem. She can't work as an office clerk, in sales or at any physical work, because of her disability. With all my connections I was unable to help. At one point I spoke to [Bar-Zion, whose client] was suspected in the arson, and asked whether there was any way to compensate these women, who are completely free of blame, without her clients confessing. The answer was that there's no possibility."
Zalcberg suggested to Yelena and to Tania, who returned to Russia after her recovery, that they sue the authorities and Danino, the owner of the massage parlor, for damages. The women were fearful and hesitant at first but eventually they came to realize that their lives had been destroyed and that someone had to pay. "Now I'm not longer afraid," Yelena says. "When I worked for Danino in the parlor, he always got his half, now I deserve to get something. After the incident I tried to contact him, he immediately hung up. He didn't take an interest in my fate, nor do I want to see him. I know he has a luxury car, a wife, a business, children. His children can study at the university. What about my children? I don't want money for new clothes, I want to guarantee my children's future. I want them to go and study. I keep telling my daughter: 'Knowledge is power.' I don't want my daughter to be like me."
About a year after returning home Yelena decided to have another baby (and did so with a friend). "After what had happened, I felt that I had to have something that would make me get up in the morning," she explains. "Something that would wake me up, literally and figuratively. I'm extremely lonely here. A few friends, but mainly alone. I became pregnant. The moment the child was born, my joie de vivre returned."
But a child is also a big financial responsibility.
"What's better, to die of loneliness? I'm a good mother."
They live very modestly, but the house is pleasant, the kitchen is well stocked and Yelena is always there, with her children. The pain does not disappear, there are mornings when she can't get out of bed, but with endless pride she tells about her daughter's grades and her son's after-school activities. "The only joy in my life is the children. I'm like any mother, I take my son to the park, to activities, to friends, I don't deny them anything."
What is your dream?
"An apartment of my own."
And on a more personal level?
"To dance in high heels."
The messages we receive about sex from our parents, the media, and our educational, social, and religious institutions tend to be contradictory, and often downright false. One way to combat the lies we’re told about sex is to start cataloguing them. Below is a very incomplete list of some of the biggest lies we’re told about sex.
Sex is genetic: It’s the puppet-master and we’re lucky to be getting our strings pulled now and then.
Because procreation is tied to our species survival, evolutionary scientists and pop psychologists alike argue that the most important understanding of sexuality is the one that links our sexual behavior to procreation. Thus we are told that male sexuality is voracious and dangerous, that female sexuality is a side effect of the need for women to have babies, and that the psychological, emotional, and spiritual aspects of sexuality are not as important as the genetic ones.
There is clearly a genetic component to sex, but that doesn’t mean that this is either the most useful, or “truest” perspective from which to think about our sexuality.
Sex is natural and simple: You should just know how to do it.
Sex is natural, we’re told, because we have to do it to survive. But this doesn’t accurately describe what human sexuality has become. Intercourse may be instinctual for some (but clearly not all) of us, but sexuality is much more than intercourse, and none of it actually comes easily. It’s it strange that we are taught how to perform most other basic human behaviors (how to eat, how to communicate, how to go to the bathroom) and as we get older we learn the more complicated ones (how to read, write, drive a car, work) and yet we’re just supposed to know how to have sex.
Sex is gender: Men are from sex-crazed Mars; women are from soft and romantic Venus.
This lie takes many forms:
* Women just want to cuddle, men want to have raunchy sex.
* Women are sexual communicators, men can’t talk about their sexual feelings.
* ”Real sex” takes place between a man and a woman.
* Men and women can’t ever be friends, sex always gets in the way.
* Men want sex all the time, and women don’t.
* Men are more visual than women when it comes to sexual arousal.
All of these are variations on the big double-shot sex lie: That sex is 100% tied to our gender, and we are all only one gender. The fact is that how we think about, feel about, and actually have sex is infinitely more complicated than which door we walk through in a public washroom.
Sex is spontaneous: Don’t talk about it, just do
it.
When you think of it, this lie about sex doesn’t make any sense. If sex is meant to be something fun and exciting, something that makes you feel good about your body and yourself, makes you feel loved and attended to, why would planning for sex ever be a bad thing? Wouldn’t it actually be nice to know you’re going to get to have sex at the end of a particularly hard day? Yet we’re told that the most exciting sex is the sex that “just happens”. In reality, sex rarely “just happens”. It’s true that many couples never talk about sex beforehand, but that doesn’t mean that one (or more likely both) partners aren’t thinking about it, wondering when they’re going to have it next, and fantasizing about what kind of sex it will be.
Bigger is better, more is better…better is
better.
These statements are true for some people, some of the time. The specific lie we’re told is that these things are true for everyone, all of the time. In reality people have size preferences that change depending on their mood and what sort of sex they want to have. Similarly, we all have different levels of sexual desire, and these levels can change throughout the month, and over the years. Finally, there is a more contemporary lie that tells us we should always be reaching for better sex, trying new things, pushing ourselves and our partners to attain new heights of great sex. Some researchers have pointed out that this competitive attitude can have the opposite effect, making us anxious and on edge about the sex we’re having.
Sex is special: It’s a rare transformative moment that only comes once in a while.
On one hand, it’s true that sex can be transformative and that some of us don’t get to have sex as often as we’d like, but on the other hand, sex is an incredibly common and regular occurrence. Yet many of us are raised to think of sex like it’s a non-renewable resource that’s about to dry up. If instead we put sex in its place among all our other activities of daily living and all the ways we communicate with the people around us, we might have a lot less anxiety about how we’re doing it, when we’re doing it, if we’re doing it right, and who we’re doing it with. Sex doesn’t need to be treated with kid gloves, it can take it, if we start to dish it out.
We can make it on our own: Sexual agency is the same as sexual independence.
We can thank the mostly positive influence of the women’s movement on sexual expression for this subtle lie.
What’s true is that we all have a right to sexual agency -- to experience sexual pleasure on our own terms, think sexual thoughts, and have sexual desires separate from those around us. But the silent lie is that sexual agency equals complete independence. In truth, none of us are completely independent from those around us, and we rely on others in ways few of us acknowledge. Among the few people who have managed to really figure this out are folks living with disabilities who require assistance with regular daily activities. When you rely on others for some form of help, it becomes very apparent the way we are all connected. If you don’t, you can go through life imagining that you’d be fine without anyone around. Yet even masturbation, which is often fueled by sexual fantasy, requires some external stimulation (even if you’re only dreaming of the UPS guy or gal, they’re still involved to some extent).
There’s a right way and a wrong way to have
sex.
Whether we’re being told we have to do it with someone else (masturbation isn’t “real” sex), we have to do it with someone of the opposite sex, we have to do it in a bed, 2.5 times a week, or some other form of this lie, there are no lack of people who want to feed you the lie that there is only one (or two) right ways to have sex. The truth is that there are no rules (beyond age and consent) to how you can have healthy and fun sex. Whenever you catch someone feeding you this lie, call them on it.
Great sex is all about…
Is it about sexual technique? Is it sexual communication? Is it the “spark”, or the bed sheets, or the sex toys, or the weather system? Amazon lists over 150 books with great sex in the title, each one offering you an endless stream of advice on what constitutes great sex. It’s no lie that great sex can be had, but the lie is that one person’s great sex will be your great sex. Great sex probably isn’t like a great chocolate chip cookie recipe, which works best if you follow the directions to the letter. Learning more about sex can probably only add to your experience of good sex, but in the absence of any proof, I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that great sex happens in the way you uniquely put it all together, not in following a step by step guide book written by someone whose main goal is to sell you a book.
A postal worker delivered a nasty surprise to an elderly grandmother, exposing his erect penis while handing over her mail.
A court in Australia heard that Raymond Toa Vaele, 46, had been delivering a parcel to the woman when she invited him inside to put it down.
As he handed her a clipboard to sign for the item, the woman noticed Vaele's erect penis poking 10cm out of his shorts.
"He does admit that the shorts he was wearing were too short to be inside the house," Crown prosecutor Amanda Meisenhelter said of Vaele, who pleaded guilty to one count of doing an indecent act.
Vaele, a father of four who worked as a sub contractor for the Australian Postal service, was sentenced to three years' probation over the October 23, 2006 incident inside the 62 year-old woman's Brisbane home.
The court heard the woman, who had been looking after her three young grandchildren at the time, waited until Vaele continued on his rounds before making a complaint.
He was eventually identified through delivery records and a photographic line-up.
Vaele's defence counsel, John Edwards, could offer no explanation for his client's behaviour, however a committal hearing over the matter has previously heard the incident may have been an accident.
"He didn't deny that it had happened," Mr Edwards said of the erection.
"He is ashamed and he is sorry."
Judge Charles Brabazon was less forgiving, however, after it was revealed Vaele - a devout Mormon - had been on bail at the time for attempting to kiss a 13 year-old girl and breaking into her home to leave lewd magazines for her to read.
In a victim impact statement tendered to the court, the elderly woman said she had felt humiliated, violated and was now left with a deep distrust of postmen.
"It may be embarrassing for you, but it is disturbing for the people who are affected by it," the judge told Vaele.
"She was a widow at home alone.
"This was no passing event. It is something that has had a permanent affect on her."
Vaele may be ordered to undergo psychiatric treatment and counselling as part of his punishment.
Dimitrova from Bulgaria poses after she won the final of the 'Most beautiful bottom in the world' competition in Munich on October 31, 2007.
Participants bottom-off during the final of the 'Most beautiful bottom in the world' competition in Munich on October 31, 2007. As many as 42 finalists from 26 countries took part in the competition to win a modelling contract and 10,000 euros in prize money.
Contestants take part in the final of the 'Most beautiful bottom in the world' competition in Munich on October 31, 2007.
Contestants take part in the final of the 'Most beautiful bottom in the world' competition in Munich on October 31, 2007.
Dimitrova from Bulgaria poses after she won the final of the 'Most beautiful bottom in the world' competition in Munich on October 31, 2007.
Turning yourself on with some tongue action is nothing new. But can what you put in your mouth truly affect your sex life?
For centuries, humans have been fascinated by supposed links between certain substances and one’s sex drive, sexual performance and sexual desire. Yet only recently we’ve really been able to confirm what actually works and why.
While there’s no magical meal plan for easily enhancing sexual pleasure or attaining orgasm, you definitely can impact your sexual energy by incorporating certain ingredients into your diet. So here are a few do’s and don’ts when it comes to what to put in your mouth.
Main Courses
I’m a big fan of fish oil. This isn’t simply because I’m Icelandic. I take two tablets every morning because there are so many health benefits. So I was delighted when I learned that animal and human studies show that fish oil raises dopamine levels in the brain.
Why should you care about dopamine?
This hormone not only is good for one’s cardio health and in combating depression — factors that can affect one’s sexual gusto — but this neurotransmitter triggers lust. Dopamine can stimulate the release of testosterone, your hormone of sexual desire, as well as focus your attention and motivate you, quite possibly with none other than your love!
So in planning your three meals of the day, shoot for foods that contain the active, effective ingredient in fish oil — the omega-3 fatty acid. Sure, you can, like me, pop a tablet or two of fish oil daily, but it’s much more fun to serve up something tastier, like salmon or tuna, which I also eat weekly.
(Note: You want to avoid fried fish since often it is cooked in oils high in omega-6 fatty acids, which cancels out the effect you want).
Not much of a fish fan? Other foods, with saturated and monounsaturated fats, that can raise dopamine levels to some degree include shellfish, poultry, wild game, free-range beef, snails, avocado and dairy.
These foods also are great because the fats they contain increase total testosterone, boosting libido and the ability to reach orgasm. Still, the easiest, cheapest and safest way to consume large amounts of EPA and DHA — the two omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil helping your game — is to pop a tablet or two of fish oil daily.**
As not to kill your healthy eating efforts, make sure to avoid cooking your foods with trans fats and polyunsaturated fats, including vegetable oils such as soybean, safflower and corn. Instead, use monosaturated fats including canola or olive oil when cooking.
Side Dishes
Side dishes are the perfect way to get the vitamins and minerals you need to be a sex machine. Vitamins are a must since those with low sexual libido generally suffer from a nutritional deficiency.
Iron deficiencies, for example, can play into an individual’s sex life, affecting the energy needed for lovemaking. This issue can be nipped in the bud with some of my favorites — basil or arugula. Just be sure to avoid side dishes that can act as a depressant on your system, particularly starchy carbohydrates such as white breads and potatoes.
Now, when cooking up any of the aforementioned main courses and side dishes, be sure to flavor them with a couple of wonderful key ingredients:
Garlic — With its "heat" said to stir sexual desire, garlic releases allicin when chopped or otherwise "damaged," increasing blood flow to the sexual organs when consumed.
Chilies or black pepper — Basically, anything spicy can invite physiological responses that mimic human sexual response, e.g., raised heart rate. They can make you feel aroused, even if that’s more of an illusion than anything.
(Foods rich in zinc are particularly good for men. Pumpkin seeds and oysters are ideal for very sexually active men. High in zinc, these foods are crucial to men’s health, helping them to replenish that loss through frequent ejaculation.)
Dessert
While sugary treats, like honey, can give you a quick, short-lived energy boost, the best dessert you can serve yourself or your love is that of dark chocolate.
Marrena Lindberg, author of "The Orgasmic Diet," recommends up to half an ounce of high-quality dark chocolate per day, since its chemical compounds increase dopamine levels. I’ve read elsewhere that other forms of chocolate also can give your love life a wee bit of a boost since this romantic sweet contains three substances that flood our brain with chemicals, making us feel happy when we eat it.
The theobromine in chocolate boosts endorphin production, giving your body a high. Its two other compounds — anandamide and phenylethylamine (PEA) — may further have sex-enhancing effects, though research has yet to prove this.
A study out of Italy’s University of Vita-Salute San Raffaelle found, however, there was no difference in sexual arousal or satisfaction between women who consumed chocolate daily than those who did not nibble on the sweet.
Not being much of a dark chocolate fan myself, I totally understand the need for other desserts from which to choose. Figs are scrumptious, sweet and particularly good for women in that they are a good source of iron, magnesium and zinc.
Juicy and sensual peaches are packed with vitamin C. Pistachio nuts also are good for you since they contain the amino acid arginine, which has been shown to improve sexual function in men and women by improving genital circulation.
Just make sure to stay away from sugary and starchy carbohydrates and desserts with trans or hydrogenated fats, e.g., margarine and vegetable shortening.
Beverages
Hands down, the best thing you can do for yourself when it comes to what you drink is to stay hydrated with water and to drink natural beverages rich in vitamins, such as orange juice or V8. I suck down a yummy organic and probiotic Synergy drink daily for its restoring effect and nutrients (plus, I love its fizzy, tart flavors). Yet, there are other beverages humans have been known to dabble with when it comes to sexual arousal.
Whether it’s coffee, tea, colas or cocoa, people have reached for drinks containing caffeine for their stimulating and antidepressant effects, yet some warn it’s better to stay away from such beverages.
Their argument: Caffeine acts on one’s brain serotonin levels like a trampoline, causing sharp spikes in this neurotransmitter, which offset the sexual impact of dopamine.
Still, research has found caffeine can be a bit of an aphrodisiac. A University of Michigan survey of more than 700 couples aged 60 and older found that those who drank their java daily were likelier to describe themselves sexually active (62 percent) versus those who did not (38 percent). It is believed that caffeine’s antidepressant effect may lend to its sex-stimulating effect.
So when it comes to your "sex diet," make sure you’re being mindful about what you’re consuming. Keep foods in moderation and balanced. More than anything, experiment in finding out what works for you, since our nutritional needs are individual. Further, work with your lover in exploring the different foods and drinks that can impact both of you in your quest for better health and sex.
** If you’re on a medication that interacts negatively with aspirin, consult your physician before consuming fish oil supplements. Both fish oil and aspirin are anti-inflammatory substances that thin the blood.
In-the-Know Sex News…
— Condom-push at Carnival. Health officials in Brazil have announced they will distribute 19.5 million condoms during the country’s five-day Carnival. It is hoped the effort will reduce the spread of sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Not everyone is thrilled with the government practicing prevention, however. Church officials are opposed to such condom distribution, fearing it will "encourage orgiastic behaviors." About 600,000 Brazilians are living with HIV/AIDS.
— Newly homeless at higher risk. A study out of the new UCLA AIDS Institute finds that homeless youth who have been away from home for up to six months are likelier to engage in risky sexual behavior if residing in non-family settings, such as abandoned buildings, the streets or a friend’s home.
Males who were tracked were likelier to have multiple sex partners if they lived in settings without relatives and abused drugs. Drug abuse was the primary predictor for risky sexual behavior for females. Such behaviors are being linked to a lack of social support and supervision.